


Not Good Enough

by Alyssa_85



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Body Worship, Countries Using Human Names, In fact not really smut but just being safe, M/M, Mild Smut, Romance, insecure
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-10
Updated: 2016-08-10
Packaged: 2018-08-07 19:30:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7726903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyssa_85/pseuds/Alyssa_85
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lovino has problems with his self-esteem. Antonio thinks he's perfect. Human AU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not Good Enough

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything but the storyline! All characters belong to Hidekaz Himaruya.
> 
> Rating for language (duh, it's Romano) and very, very mild smut. Like a smidgen. Not even slightly graphic. In fact, it's barely smut, but just to be on the safe side, you know?

Lovino stood in front of his mirror, staring at his reflection. He'd never particularly found himself attractive, despite everything he may say. He thought his eyes were too far apart, and no matter how he changed it, his hair always sat wrong. And that stupid curl, he'd tried so hard to flatten it down, or at least stop it sticking out like an antenna, but nothing he did helped. It was always just there.

"Lovino?" Feliciano, his brother, knocked on his bedroom door. "Are you ready? Antonio's going to be here soon."

"Like I care," he snapped, breaking his eye contact with himself.

"Can I come in?"

"No! Fuck off!" Lovino sat down on his bed, head in hands. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay!"

He heard the retreating footsteps of his little brother. When he was sure his brother was gone, he groaned loudly. He'd finally given into Antonio's advances and agreed to go on a date with him. He couldn't fathom why Antonio was even interested in him when his brother was in the picture too. Antonio wanted him though, and that confused him. His brother was so much better, he was better looking, better at everything he did. Why would Antonio want him?

"Lovino! Antonio's here!"

"I'll be a fucking minute!"

Lovino stared at himself once more, deciding he hated his outfit, despite it being his favourite, he hated his hair, his face, his body. Everything. He wasn't good enough. Antonio was close to perfect, he deserved someone so much better than him.

"Fuck everything," he muttered, opening his bedroom door to leave. Antonio stood at the bottom of the stairs, a bright smile on his face and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

"Lovi!" He beamed at Lovino.

"Flowers? I'm not a fucking girl," Lovino said, joining him at the bottom of the stairs. "I'm a fucking man." Despite this, he took the flowers, and subtly smelt them.

"They're our countries national flowers! Red Carnations for Spain, and white Stylized Lilies for Italy!"

"Am I supposed to care? Feliciano come here."

"Yes?" Feliciano popped his head out from the kitchen.

"Put these in some water for me? We're heading out."

"Of course!"

* * *

"So, what is it you do, Lovino?"

"You know exactly what I do, you've known me forever."

"Right." Antonio beamed at him. "How was work?"

"Work was work."

"Well obviously."

Lovino pushed his food around on the plate, feeling awkward and uncomfortable. He wanted to answer Antonio's questions, he wanted to smile at him and actually have a good time. He liked this guy, he wanted Antonio to like him too. Even though Antonio claimed he already did, Lovino couldn't believe him. How could Antonio like him? Lovino didn't smile, he didn't laugh. He wasn't all that smart, and he sucked at everything he tried. How could someone as smiley and happy as Antonio like someone so dull, and unhappy?

"Lovino? Is everything okay?" Antonio asked, placing his hand over Lovino's.

"What?"

"You look sad."

"This is just my face, bastard."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Antonio. I'm fine." He dropped his fork on his plate. "What about you?"

"What about me?"

"Is everything okay with you?"

"I'm on a date with you, how could I not be?"

Lovino's cheeks heated up, and he dropped his head to stare down at his plate. "Shut up, bastard. This isn't a date."

"It's not?"

Lovino sipped on his wine, keeping his eyes trained on his untouched food. He wanted to tell Antonio that it was a date, and he was happy it was. He wanted to smile at the man sitting opposite him, but he couldn't. All he could do was sit in silence, sipping his wine and glaring at the food he was supposed to be consuming.

"If you want to leave, you can," Antonio said, sensing the mood for once. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable."

"I'm not," he mumbled. "I'm not uncomfortable."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

Antonio grinned again. "Nice weather we're having, right?"

Lovino snickered, covering his face quickly to hide the smile that had formed on his lips. It was times like that that made Lovino glad Antonio was terrible at actually reading the mood, and was happy to just move on from his correct assumptions on what Lovino was feeling.

"Don't," Antonio suddenly said, pulling Lovino's hand from in front of his face. "Don't cover your smile up. It's beautiful."

"S-Shut up, don't lie."

"Lie? Lovino, I wouldn't lie to you."

"Yes you would."

"I love it when you smile, Lovi! I wish you'd do it more."

"Of course you do. Why would you want someone who doesn't smile every second of every fucking day?"

"What?"

"If you want a smiley version of me, my little brother's at home," Lovino snapped, pushing his still full plate away from him.

"What are you talking about?"

"You want someone who's going to smile all the time? Go find my brother. He'd be happy to fill your need for fucking smiles."

"Lovi, I don't want your brother."

"I'm going home." Lovino stood up, pushing his chair backwards. "I'll take a bus home." He didn't give Antonio the chance to rely before he was out of the door and walking towards the bus stop, his heart racing and tears threatening to spill from his eyes.

"Lovi! Lovi come back!" Antonio grabbed Lovino's arm, stopping his movements.

"What do you want, bastard?"

"What have I done?"

"What do you think? Telling me to smile more. Fuck you!"

"Lovi, I didn't tell you to smile more. I said I _wish_ you'd smile more."

"If you want someone to smile at you all the time, I've already told you Feliciano's free."

"And I've already told you I don't want your brother."

Antonio pulled Lovino into his chest. He tried to struggle away, but ended up gripping Antonio's shirt, clenching his eyes shut. He couldn't understand why he was acting the way he was. Really, he knew Antonio didn't want to date Feliciano, he knew there was a reason Antonio was stood there holding him close.

"Lovi, I don't mind you not smiling, it just makes it more rewarding when you do smile. If I wanted to be with your brother, I would have pestered him for a date, but I didn't. I want you. I've wanted you since the day I met you."

"Why? I'm nothing compared to Feli."

Antonio held him at arm's length, his head tilted slightly. "Are you serious? You're perfect. Never compare yourself to Feliciano. Never."

Lovino smashed his lips to Antonio's, hurting the older man slightly at the force, it only took Antonio a second to reciprocate the kiss, his arms pulling Lovino as close to him as possible.

"Take me home with you," he mumbled against Antonio's lips.

"What?" He asked, pulling away.

"I want you to take me home with you."

"Really?" Antonio raised an eyebrow at him. "Isn't it a bit soon?"

"I've wanted this for a long time, I want you."

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I'm sure, Tonio." He pressed a soft kiss to Antonio's lips. "Take me home with you."

* * *

Antonio stared down at Lovino's naked body, his eyes raking over every part of him, making Lovino squirm under the intense gaze. Lovino stared up at him, his cheeks red and eyes soft.

"You're perfect," Antonio said, kissing his stomach. "Everything about you is perfect." He kissed his stomach again. "I can't begin to describe everything I find perfect about you." Another kiss. He moved up Lovino's body, worshipping every part of him. Every compliment he gave, he punctuated it with another kiss.

"Fuck," Lovino groaned. Antonio was flicking his tongue across one of his nipples. "Just fuck me already."

"Patience. I need you to understand how perfect you are, Lovino." He crawled up Lovino's body, so his face was hovering about his. "I want to take this slow, it's our first time after all."

"You're such an idiot."

"A romantic idiot."

Lovino snaked his arms around Antonio's neck, pulling him down for a kiss. "Thank you," he mumbled against his lips.

"For what, mi amor?"

"Just being you. Annoying, smiley, persistent you." Lovino pulled Antonio's face down, resting their foreheads together. "I'm only going to say this once, so listen to me, okay?"

"Of course."

"Ti amo. Avere Sempre."

"Te amo también, Lovi."

"Now, fuck me."

"Still taking it slow."

Lovino rolled his eyes. "Why?"

"Truthfully?"

"No, I want you to lie to me."

"Really?"

"No! Why are you so insistent on taking it slow?"

"It's my first time." Antonio rolled over onto the bed, his arm covering his face.

"What? Really?"

"Yes. I'm twenty-five and I've never had sex, laugh at me all you want."

"Tonio." Lovino rubbed circles on Antonio's bare stomach. "I'm not going to laugh at you. Truth is, it's my first time too."

"Really? You? But you're so hot! People must be all over you."

He laughed bitterly. "Even If that were the case, I wouldn't give my virginity to anyone I couldn't see a future with. I want to lose it to someone I love."

"And you say I'm a romantic."

"S-shut up!"

"We don't have to go all the way now; you know?"

"I want to. I know this was only our first date, but I've wanted to say yes for so long."

"Then why didn't you?"

"I was scared. Everyone I've ever been with has always left me for my brother, or worse, slept with him behind my back. I find trusting people hard. I've loved you for so long, I was scared you'd be the same."

Antonio looked up at him, a smile spread across his lips. "I would never do that to you, Lovino. Since the first time I laid my eyes on you, I knew I wanted to get to know you. Do you realise how happy I was when you finally agreed to a date with me?"

"Over the moon I can imagine."

"More than that."

"Do you want to go all the way?" Lovino asked, running his finger down Antonio's chest.

"Only if you do."

"I do."

* * *

Antonio and Lovino laid tangled together under the sheets, panting in their post-sex haze. They'd giggled, done things wrong, snapped at each other, but despite it all, it had been worth it. Antonio had worshipped every part of Lovino's body, leaving little marks across his chest and neck.

"That was…" Lovino started, trailing off as Antonio rubbed circles on his back.

"Perfect?"

"More than perfect. Truth be told, I was terrified when I asked you to bring me back here tonight. I really wasn't planning on it."

"I was surprised when you asked, I really wasn't expecting it."

Lovino wiggled around, wincing slightly at the movement.

"I didn't hurt you did I?"

"I think it's normal, you know, to be in pain after."

"Are you sure?"

"I don't know, Antonio, I've never done this before."

"Maybe we should ask your brother?"

"I am _not_ getting sex advice from my damn little brother!"

"Yeah, I suppose that might be a little weird."

"A little? How big is your brain? It would be humiliating to admit to him I'd only just lost my virginity."

"There's nothing wrong with it, you know that right?"

"Then why were you so embarrassed when you told me?"

"I thought you'd done it already; I was embarrassed I was less experienced than you."

"Oh."

"Can you stay the night? Let me make you breakfast?"

"Yes. But don't think I'm staying for you!"

"Of course, Lovi. Let's go to sleep, yeah?"

"Yeah, whatever."

* * *

The next morning, Lovino and Antonio ate breakfast together, before Lovino had to leave for work. Antonio even managed a small smile from Lovino, which he poked at and once again told Lovino how beautiful he was. He didn't leave it there though, every frown, laugh, grimace Lovino made, Antonio would tell him the same thing.

"I love you, Lovino," Antonio said, as they stood in the doorway of his house.

"I know you do, bastard. I can still feel it."

"What?"

"Never mind. I should go, Feliciano's probably worried sick. Not that I care or anything."

"You might want to hide your neck." Antonio ran his fingers over one of the small marks littering Lovino's neck, making Lovino shiver at the contact.

"Bastard, how many marks did you leave?"

Antonio shrugged and grinned. "Enough to let everyone know you're taken."

"Who says I'm taken? Last night could have just been a one-night stand."

"I think it'd be more classed as a three-night stand. You know, 'cause I fucked you three times."

"It'd still be a one-night stand, as it happened in one night."

"Right. Right." Antonio clasped his hands together. "So, tell me this, Lovino; are you taken?"

He thought about this for a moment, rubbing his chin a small smirk on his face. "I suppose I could be. If someone wanted me."

"I want you, so how about it? Me and you? Sound good, Lovino?"

"You know what, it sounds fucking amazing."

"I thought it might."

"I should go. Work calls. I'll see you soon?"

"Anytime you want to see me, just call."

Lovino smiled, leaning forwards to press a kiss to Antonio's lips. "I think I might take you up on that."

"I'm glad. Goodbye, Lovi."

"Bye, bastard."

* * *

"Lovi! You're back!" Feliciano flung himself at Lovino, wrapping his arms around his neck and his legs around Lovino's body.

"Ow! Get the fuck off of me!"

"But, Lovi, you didn't come home last night! I thought something had happened to you!"

"Yeah, well it didn't. Now get the fuck off of me, I need a shower."

Feliciano dropped back down to the floor. "What's that on your neck?" Italy leaned in closer, only for Lovino to push him away forcefully and snap his hand against the marks.

"Nothing."

"They're hickeys! You had sex with Antonio!" Feliciano exclaimed, clapping his hands together.

"No I fucking didn't!" His cheeks darkened. "Shut the fuck up."

"Congratulations, Fratello!"

"I hate you so much." Lovino turned his back on his brother and stormed up the stairs to his room, slamming the door behind him.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about, Lovi! Ludwig and I have done it loads of times!"

"I don't fucking care!" He screamed, covering his head with a pillow. "Fucking little brothers," he mumbled.

* * *

Lovino stood in front of his mirror, staring at his reflection. His body was covered in faint marks, left by an over-praising Spaniard. Lovino poked each one, remembering the sweet words Antonio had to say with every mark he made. Beautiful. Perfect. Gorgeous. Every compliment under the sun, Lovino had heard them all. For the first time in his life, he really felt as if he'd found someone who really did think the things he was saying. And Lovino found himself believing everything Antonio had said.

He stared into the eyes he'd always hated, realising that really, there was nothing wrong with them. The colour was fine, and they were exactly where they should be on his face. He stared at his chest, sure he wasn't muscly like Antonio, but his body was fine. Not too skinny, and by no means too fat. It was just fine. He ran his fingers through the hair he usually couldn't get to sit how he wanted it, yet there it was, sitting exactly in place. No hair, other than that strange curl, was out of place. He had no idea what he'd even disliked about his hair in the first place.

Lovino couldn't understand why he suddenly didn't hate everything about himself anymore. How could one night with one person make him feel so secure, so confident in his own body? He'd never experienced anything like it, and he loved it. Lovino had loved the way Antonio made him feel as he worshipped every part of him.

Lovino finally felt like he'd found someone who really wanted him, and not his little brother. After the night he spent with Antonio, he forgot why he was even so insecure. Why his thought Antonio would want his brother over him. Antonio loved him, and deep down he'd known that for a long time.

"Lovino?" Feliciano brought him out of his reverie.

"What?" He snapped, buttoning up his dress shirt.

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry about teasing you earlier, I was just happy you'd had a good time with Antonio, I was really worried about you."

"Whatever. I did, and that's all there is to say about it."

"I'm glad." Feliciano grinned at him. "Do you want your pretty flowers in here? They would look good on your desk."

"No! I don't want my room filled with flowers!" Lovino made a step out of his room, before popping his head back around the doorway. "I'll fucking kill you if you tell anyone. Put them on the desk." And with that, he walked away and out of the house, Antonio's words running through his mind. Beautiful. Perfect. Mine.

**Author's Note:**

> Translations:
> 
> Ti Amo. Avere Sempre. – I Love you. Always Have. (Italian)
> 
> Te amo también – I love you too (Spanish)
> 
> A/N:
> 
> This was just a little something to try to get used to writing Romano, and Spain. I'm going to be writing several one-shots to practice getting the hang of it so I can do better with writing them in At The End Of The World.
> 
> Also, I have no idea if Red Carnations and Stylized Lilies could even go together, let alone look pretty. I'm not a florist, aha.
> 
> Funny little story; as I was writing this, I accidentally changed the language to Spanish (don't ask how, I have no idea), so I called my sibling to help me with it, and the last thing I'd written was Lovino's "Now, fuck me." line. They swore they weren't judging me, but damn was I embarrassed.


End file.
